i lowkey wanna play dofus again.....fought with mama abotu y future job, apologized & said i'd become a doctor (LIE!!!!). i remmeberd i have another computer.....might download dofus on here. i mean the servs r prolly dead but idc it's fun alr

i HATE HATE HATE HAET HEAT!!!!! oh my GOOOOOODDDDUUHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCFKCUFCKCUKFCUF8CUFUCKTHISSHIT. school break is over.....going back tmrw HGUHZGUHZGUHZGUHUGZHAIUHGI i hate this place i wish everyone here would just die already (except my friends, obv). i won't even be able to semi-ish pass anymore. nvm not "pass" but like....look like i wanna be a guy. i hate summer SO SO much...i can't hide my curves with cool clothes and i'm too awkward to wear shorts until june so i'm just stuck with t-shirts and hot (& tight) ass pants. fuck this. i can't even get relieved with cutting anymore cuz i can't wear long sleeves. AND we got sports ?????, man fuck this i'll just jump. if reincarnation was real i'd have killed myself ages ago to even just have a chance to become a guy. i don't care how many times it'd take. i just wan a flat chest....is that really too much to ask ????? ughhhhhhhghhgghhhhhhhhhh.....i'm just so sad and miserable all i want is a binde and stop feeling so uneasy about my future. i feel like fuking kieffry. listening to slipknot rn....i wish i could slip that knot around my throat

today was the theater final! gonna miss Noelle and Anturia. i was bragging to Fariha and Tarshana about how Nerf's gonna come and all....they did not come. prolly cuz of their parents. mom coul'nt come either, she's sick. i felt so so so sad and lonely the whole thing. i KNOW that i'm just being stupid and both of em rly wanted to come anc couldn't, but c'mon how fucking bad is my luck ?????? and our play didn't even get half the claps as all the others did. fuck all of this. i'm gonna kill myself. speaking of killing myself i said that thrice today (4 if we count this one) and two of those got a reaction ('hell yeah!' and 'why so ?'). i might actually cut rn it's been a WHILE snce i've done it and lord the itch is coming back. i didn't even stop to be healtier or smth i just. didn't feel like doing so. but now i kinda do. i save it for special ouchies tho...cuz it needs a lotta aftercare nd all. i aint tryna get an infection. i feel so depressed and sad and empty. maybe the dysporia too. forgot to mention WHy i was so devastated that my mom didn't ome. i'm pretty sure those few years before majority are the last few years i'll spend with my family in a whiiiiile so it realy hurts that she missed not one but TWO of my plays :( and she prolly won't even be able to see me play eyevr again!!!!! i always feel like i'm living on the edge. like this is all just a tutorial before the actual game starts. parents are always like "oooo she's so independent look she doesn't even love us she just want to leave whenever she can!" but your SON knows that you'll never accept him and that he'll have to plan a LOT for when you unavoidingly throw him the fuck out for being queer. and your son also knows that he'll be getting NO support from his family and probably not from friends since you're gonna make him move to a whole new country where he's gonna be dependent on you for YEARS. so your son is planning ahead to not get high and kill himself under a bridge for a cigarette

all of my life plans are ruined. if i move to canada, i won't have ANYTHING or ANYONE to support me when thinks unavoidingly go bad.I'd made all of these plans and made sure that i could do what i need when i can, but now all of it is ruined. at this point i'd better just throw myself into a lake and let myself drown...i should really just fucking kill myself. i wish i had the balls to do it at 11 bro. my entire life is ruined and i cant keep doing this anymore...the best chance i have is prostitution bro what the hell please someone kill me; i'm listening to a muship song rn and let me tell you it's enhancing my suicidal energy by like 20%. i think i'm really gonna have to make a playlist of songs i'd kill myself to eh...anywho. it's almost 1 am and i'm very late night high i can't even feel my limbs anymore. i really wanna cut but my blade is dirty and i don't want it to get infected.....eh, i can always sanitize it later. not now tho. i still gotta wait a week...and then i'll be able to do whateeeeever i wanna do with my body. heh. even hurl it off of a bridge if i wanna

UUEEUEHEUEHEEUEUUEUEHEHEHEHEHE UEUEHEHHEAUEHAEHUHEUHAE8!!!!!!!!!!!! UUGHGHGHHGGUEHGUHUHVUQSHUQS!!!!!!!!!!!!! ToT i'll never be a guy....never ever will i ever be that....i don't even care about chromosomes or tits or anything anymore...i won't even be able to ever have a real cock. i know this sounds so fucking stupid and gross and disgusting and it is but oh my FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!! i'll never be able to jerk it....i'll never be able to have intimacy with another guy and have it feel right...i'll never be able to hug someone and have em nibble on my adams apple....i prolly won't ever be able to have a flat chest anymore. i wish we were anything else than capitalist so maybe i could have a chance to get top surgery or anything without having to die twice and steal coins from people tryna cross the styx because i'll be too BROKE to ever get it....ugughzeuhUGHUHGEUGE THIS IS EATING ME INSIDE!!!!! i'll never have the teenager exploring his sexuality thingie....because what can i even do ????? just looking at myself for too long make me want to KILL MYSEFL!!!!!! i want to die so fucking bad UGHGHGGHHGHG I HAte BEING A GIRl....i don't even have a proper binder!!!!! i've been binding for the last two something years with a swimsuit; i don't give a shit if it deforms my ribs and hurts and makes me want to kill myself...i'd do fucking anything to have a flat chest. i hate this so much. kille me PLEASE. and don't even get me started on teh constant misgendering. i've come out to SO MANY of my friends and yet almost ALL OF EM call me a girl on the daily. the fuck is wrong with y'all ???? you watn me to kill myself or something ????? once i even was forced to come out to em, and they still didn't even respect it!!!!! if you're gonna press me about my gender the fucking LEAST you can do is FUCKING EVEN TRY TO REPECT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE THIS SO MUCH i'm gonna slit my wrists open and let myself bleed out and then we'll fucking see if i'm just following a trend anymore YOU FUCKING MORONS I HOPE ALL OF YOU DIE IN GRUESOME WAYS.
okay that last part was false sorry i got a bit too mad i love all of my friends but PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD stop misgendering me or i'm gonna hafta contact the suicide hotline

hiiiiiii i hate exams so fucking bad....uughghghghgg most stresfull month of my life (not rly)....uhhh, i did some new art....alsothe piko banner you're seeing here lol. named it "piko piko island".....this song trauma'd me istg. i hate it with a vigor. i got a chemistry exam tmrw! i wanted to do smth artistic but my family would literally smite me so uh. i'm doing chemistry studies. whatevs. at least maybe i'll be able to jabby jab my way outta there. listening to Second Curse rn....kikuo...save me kiko...i can oshi oshi oshi money money you.....heh (no i won't. i don't even know this man.). AAAALSo i MIIIIGHT be able to buy a binder. basically if i do an exam good enough i can get like 100 free euros so then i can buy myself a binder. and if i don't manage to do that i'll just do art commisions during summer break lol. if anyone even WANTS to commision me..; whatevs.

i'm gonna kill myself i swear i will fucking kill me already ohhhh myyyy gooododdoododod broooooohoohohhohhhhhhhhhh ughghghgggggghghghghghghghgghghghghghgg fucking kill meeeemememeeeeeqeqedsvjcnsbdkglKBX QNK i want to rip my skinn off so fucking bad i want to cut my insides open and then throw my fucking guts onto the fucking wall someone decapitate me alreadyyyyy only 4 years left!!!! 4 year to last!!!! 4 years!!!! 4!!!! c'mon chat!!!! i can do that!!!! 4 years!!!! 4 years isn't that long!!!! c'mon!!!!! i'll do it!!!!! that makes uhhhh 1440 days or smth....eyahhhahahaaaaa i can do this. 1500 days left!!!!!!!!!!! i'll do it!!!!!!!!!! and then i can leave this fuckass torture jail of a house and say fuck you to my family and kill myslef under a bridge or something. i'll find me a nice place...and get top surgery...or at least a binder...and get me some sorta job!!!!! and then i'll live a nice life!!! and maybe kiss guys!!!!! and i'll be called a dude nd all;..;;;;i will. 100%. i won't kill myself before that;;;;just a few years left to hold up chat